It was supposed to be a friendly doubles match, but sometimes life serves up surprises.
Last week, my tennis team played a match at a gorgeous club on a picture-perfect sunny day.
All the conditions for an amazing match were in place, yet I found myself unexpectedly tested – both my patience and my nervous system.
Our opponent, let’s call her “The Duchess,” arrived on Court 5 with all the grace of a bull in a China shop. From the get-go, it was clear that in her mind, we were mere peasants, and the standard rules of tennis etiquette were merely suggestions.
The Duchess had some unspoken expectations:
- All tennis balls shall be delivered unto her, and her alone, when she desires.
- Ample time shall be granted for her to prepare before each serve.
- The match shall pause at her whim, for any reason she deemed fit.
As the game progressed, I felt my inner Irish temper rising to a low boil.
My partner and I exchanged glances that screamed, “Are you kidding me?” The game was getting too serious at this point, and we weren’t having any fun.
It felt like we were kids playing a game of Mother, May I.
As the match continued, the tension on the court got intense. I had trouble maintaining my composure, caught between my urge to confront The Duchess about her behavior and my desire to keep the peace.
As we finished the match, I felt a mix of emotions. While part of me wanted to express my frustrations, I’m glad we chose to remain calm.
We shook hands with a polite “nice game,” and left the court.
As I packed up my things, a wave of relief washed over me. It felt like such a win to maintain our grace under fire.
I was happy that I didn’t walk off the court like I might have done a year earlier. This was growth, plain and simple.
Preparing for this article, I was reminded of an article by David Brooks, The Moral Bucket List, about two types of virtues: “résumé virtues” and “eulogy virtues.”
The resume virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace.
The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral — whether you were kind, brave, honest, or faithful. Were you capable of deep love?”
We all know that eulogy virtues are more important than the résumé ones. But our culture and educational systems spend more time teaching the skills and strategies you need for career success than the qualities you need to radiate that inner light.
Many of us are clearer on how to build an external career than on how to build inner character.
This tennis match had given me a chance to practice some of those eulogy virtues:
- Humility through self-awareness: I had to recognize my rising temper and choose not to act on it.
- Building character by confronting weaknesses: My patience was certainly put to the test last week.
- Recognizing the need for others: My partner and I supported each other through many tense moments.
- Letting love overcome self-centeredness: I chose sportsmanship over the urge to retaliate.
- Finding joy in rising above: By keeping my cool, I maintained the spirit of the game for everyone on the court.
- Applying the right skill at the right time: Self-control became my secret weapon, and boy, did we need it!
All kidding aside, I realized that for anyone to behave the way The Duchess did, she must have something big going on in her life. People are really struggling these days, and it’s not always clear what’s happening in someone’s mind or life.
Suffering shows up in many ways, especially in situations where our adrenaline gets pumping.
We were triggered, playing out our old childhood wounds in real time. That’s why it’s important to breathe and tap into your highest guidance.
I’m happy that I ignored my negative thoughts and turned them off, stayed calm, and paid attention to the game at hand. It allowed me to focus on the ball, make the shots that felt good, and have the outcome that I desired.
Life, much like tennis, has a funny way of throwing unexpected serves our way. The real victory lies in how gracefully we return them.
In the end, we won the match, but the real win was in keeping calm and not letting ‘The Duchess’ get the best of me.
….. until next time many many sweet blessings.