Are you familiar with the concept of emotional hide-and-seek?

It’s that frustrating game where you try to communicate your feelings without saying what’s on your mind. And let’s be honest; we’ve all played it at some point in our lives.

But when it comes to marriage, this game can become particularly tricky, especially when the line between humor and passive-aggression starts to blur.

A few years ago, my husband and I hit a roadblock in our relationship, and we got to a point where we needed to stop bypassing it.

My husband’s a funny guy. 

His humor hooked me the moment we met. Laughter has been the most gratifying and fun aspect of our relationship with each other and our kids.

But, after spending 32 years together, my husband and I realized that the boundary between harmless jokes and passive-aggressive behavior had gotten a bit fuzzy.

Our relationship was starting to suffer and we needed to uncover some unresolved issues that needed attention. 

As my therapist remarked lightheartedly, “It’s never really about leaving the cap off the toothpaste.”

We had some work to do on our marriage but in the meantime, we made a pact to call a timeout whenever we found ourselves entering touchy territory.

In my opinion, the term “passive-aggressive” has always felt harsh. I prefer not to use labels, especially in this case where my husband was using humor without realizing the emotional impact his jokes were having on me. 

I prefer the term “friendly fire” because I think, for the most part, it’s friendly but often wrapped up with difficult-to-express emotions when one needs to be honest.

This type of behavior is quite common in close relationships.

It’s like playing a game of emotional hide-and-seek, where the players hide their true feelings and communicate with subtle jabs and snarky remarks.

Many of us have experienced moments of behaving in a passive-aggressive manner, myself included.

In my husband’s case, he would often tease me to avoid conflict and express his true emotions.

We have all encountered passive-aggressive behavior in some form or another, and it can be incredibly frustrating and confusing.

Whether it’s the colleague who sends snarky emails or the friend who gives backhanded compliments, it’s a behavior that can leave us feeling uneasy.

It’s important to stop and wonder why people act this way. Is it their nature, or is there something deeper going on?

As it turns out, passive-aggressive behavior often stems from a need to protect our ego.

The ego is a necessary part of ourselves. Without it, we couldn’t function in society or make decisions. So instead of trying to silence it, let’s get familiar with it and do our best not to let it run the show.